


"I'm Sorry"

by Fuzen_Shimura



Category: ARGONAVIS from BanG Dream! AAside (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Deathfic, Flower Language, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Narration POV, One-Sided Attraction, Slight Spoilers For The Spin Off Novel, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24626626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuzen_Shimura/pseuds/Fuzen_Shimura
Summary: The red Carnation, a flower that symbolizes Love, Pride and Admiration.Nayuta finds it fitting.
Relationships: Asahi Nayuta/ Nanahoshi Ren
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28





	"I'm Sorry"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xaoxngchen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xaoxngchen/gifts).



It started with a single petal at the back of his throat that was barely noticeable as he gulped down his water bottle . He didn't think much of it at the time.

Later that night before the concert with Argonavis starts he catches a flash of blue fluffy hair as he enters from the backdoor .He coughs into his sleeve and leaves a small red stain and a white petal, but chalks it up to a coincidence. He did just finish walking outside, anyway, and his throat's been sore for awhile now. 

A few days later he dreams of soft smiles ,shining eyes and a passionate voice singing at the top of their lungs and he's awoken to a coughing fit and 4 petals on his pillowcase. He doesn't think it's a coincidence anymore.

XXXXXXX

The first time he coughs up a full flower , its right as he gets back from practice to his sharehouse with the rest of the members, he supposed it was because he kept thinking of Nanahoshi when he sang with his hoarse voice. It hurts, but its nothing he cant handle .

Carefully wiping a drop of blood off the short stem, he brings the flower to Ryo because he somehow knows about the meaning of flowers, He says it's for his mom and he doesn't want it to mean anything bad, which is bullshit because he cares too much for his mother to even think of going near her , but the excuse works.

Ryo says that the flower is a red carnation, and that it symbolizes love, pride, and admiration. Nayuta finds it fitting.

XXXXXXX

When coughing up full flowers with ever-longer stems becomes commonplace, he considers actually confessing to Ren . Whatever the outcome, it's gotta be better than where this whole flower thing is going, right? But ultimately, he thinks there's a lot more fates worse than death and decides against it for now.

When the coughing fits pick up the pace and he first feels the roots taking shape, he truly contemplates for the first time on what it might feel like to die.

XXXXXXX

Soon, it's difficult to breathe. His performance in practice is lacking and he knows the damn Mashu has picked up on it, but he says nothing. Kenta , the person that can actually tolerate him ask if he's ok. He puts all the strength he can muster into the usual mask he puts on, hoping the sheer amount of hubris fools them.

If Kenta notices the tiny smudge of blood on the corner of his mouth, he doesn't say anything about it.

XXXXXXX

When it gets to the point that he can feel the roots destroying his lungs in real-time, he rethinks confessing to Ren. In the end death is frightening, so he resolves to tell him after the concert the next day. He hopes that even if he is rejected, he will still have the energy to keep pursuing the dream of being the number one artist.

XXXXXXX

It's difficult to get out of the house the next day, but he manages. He gets to backstage early and walks over to the room that had laughs and the chatters resounding through the hallway. Stepping inside he ignores all the stares along with the sudden quietness and walks across the room to Ren. He approaches him with a stoic face and asks to meet him in the hallway alone after the concert. He agrees, but his eyes trained onto the person behind him. When he stomps back outside he passes Yuto ,accidentally brush shoulders with him , who flinches slightly before waving a hand and putting on a fake smile ,scurrying over to Wataru .There are so, so many apologies on the tip of Nayuta's tongue, but the red carnations in his throat are right when they tell of his all-consuming pride. As he swallows the guilt, he hopes that one day ‘I’m sorry’ will roll off his tongue as easily as ‘Fuck Off’ does now.

When Ren rejects him, it hurts even though he expected it , Nayuta wore his heart on his sleeve during the confession and so did the other boy when he told him that he could never love him after hearing about what he did to Yuto and the other bandmates. It hurts so much worse than he thought it would. Still, he understands, but that doesn't stop him from chasing Ren's retreating figure with his eyes.

He doesn't tell him about the flowers.

He expects to be coughing up the entire root system in the toilet right now, but all he sees are a cacophony of different colors and shapes of flowers. The red carnations are gone, but Nayuta is filled with dread at the sight.

Later, when inspected by Ryo, he's told that they are daffodils, which represent unrequited love, chrysanthemums, which represent grief, purple hyacinths, which represent regret, and lilies, which represent death.

He's too far gone.

XXXXXXX

One morning, Nayuta wakes up and is unable to get out of bed. It takes all his strength to reach for his phone and text Kenta to tell him to tell Mashu that he's sick and can't come to practice today. He texts back that he'll bring some soup up to his home during lunchtime, but Nayuta has enough sense still left in him to decline, since he knows it would just go to waste.

His breaths are labored and painful. He remembers the uncertainty and slight fear in Yuto's eyes whenever he approached him and the disgust in Ren's when he relayed his crimes to him. He thinks that if his mother were to see him in this state, she'd cry and call him weak, and she'd be right for doing so.

His vision is blurring and cloudy and he knows his time is just about up. He always imagined that he'd only go kicking and screaming, but right now he tries his best at peacefulness. The fear is still there, though. It's apparent through his body’s pitiful attempt at hyperventilating. It's only making this go faster, if anything.

He sees a flash of a blue and a soft smile only for him, and he supposes it's his brain’s way of trying to comfort him; by showing him something he'll never be able to see. When the final image he's presented is of brown fluffy hair and sky blue , he supposes that it's only fitting he's forced to pass with big tears rolling down his face, just like the ones he caused all those years.

XXXXXXX

If anyone at all in this big, cruel universe heard the whispered apology roll off Nayuta's tongue in the form of his last dying breath, nobody said anything about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Me and my friend were talking about how much worse we can make Nayuta's condition to be, then we both agreed on a Hanahaki AU because l u n g .


End file.
